Tell us your funny story, send it to dose_laugh@yahoo.com

6 Reasons not to mess with children

Forward your funny emails to me

dose_laugh@yahoo.com

Browse the archive for more funny stuff >>>>>>>>>

New Olympic Event

Posted in | 0 comments

Strictly for office


New memo pads




































Posted in | 0 comments

Love Dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son’s house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

“What are you doing?’” she asked.

“I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered.

“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my Love Dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love dress? But you’re naked!”

“My husband loves me to wear this dress,” she explained. “It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can’t get enough of me.”

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my love dress,” she whispered, sensually.

“Your love dress needs ironing” the husband replied.

Posted in | 0 comments

Nuns and Pencils

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil
You don't even have to be Catholic to appreciate this one.


Nuns and Pencils

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in CatholicSchool. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?" When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the ear."God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.


A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord andSavior?" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep. The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The nun fainted...........

Posted in | 0 comments

How to feel a banana

Posted in | 0 comments

Shower hidden camera

Worth watching and funny!

Posted in | 0 comments

Robbery

Posted in | 0 comments

5 Minute Management Course

Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch…
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Posted in | 0 comments

Sunday Holy Humour

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, 'I know what the Bible means!'His father smiled and replied, 'What do you mean, you 'know' What the Bible means? The son replied, 'I do know!''Okay,' said his father. 'What does the Bible mean?''That's easy, Daddy...' the young boy replied excitedly,' It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'

=======

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.'Is there anything breakable in here?' asked the postal clerk.'Only the Ten Commandments.' answered the lady.

========

'Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.There are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good morning, Lord,' and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good Lord, it's morning.'

========

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.Then, he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: 'I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.' When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note 'I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.'

========

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: 'I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.'

========

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humour, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... 'Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.'

========

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. 'Reverend,' said the young man, 'I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.'The minister chuckled, 'I know what you mean. It's the same in my business.'

========

People want the front of the bus, The back of the church, And The centre of attention.

========

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.The daughter answered, 'Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt.' Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said, 'Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.'

========

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. 'Here's a copy of the service,' he said impatiently. 'But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.'During the service, the minister paused and said, 'Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.' At that moment, the substitute organist played, 'O Canada.'And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

=========

Give me a sense of humour, Lord,Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humour out of life,And pass it on to other folk

Posted in | 0 comments

About Marriage

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

8. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

9. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

10. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

11. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

12. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

13. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

14. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

15. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

16. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

17. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.

18. Losing a wife can be hard. , it is almost impossible.

19. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

20. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.

21. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

22. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

Posted in | 0 comments

Wanted : Husband

Promise this is a good one!


A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper which read:

"HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME, NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. "

On the second day, she heard the doorbell
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair and he had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, “You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you... you have no legs.”

The old man smiled, “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!”

She snorted.. “You don't have any arms either!”
Again, the old man smiled, “Therefore, I can never beat you!”

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, “Are you still good in bed???”
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, “Rang the doorbell, didn't I?”

Posted in | 0 comments

Condoms of Famous Brand Name






















Posted in | 0 comments

If inflation doesn't stop

Posted in | 0 comments

How are we related?

A little girl asked her father:
'How did the human race appear?'
The father answered, 'God made Adam and Eve;
they had children; and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.
The mother answered,
'Many years ago there were monkeys from
which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her father and said,
'Dad, how is it possible that you told me the
human race was created by God,
and Mom said they developed from monkeys?'
The father answered,
'Well, Dear, it is very simple.
I told you about my side of the family,
and your mother told you about hers.'

*************
Cole, a colleague of mine passed this funny joke to me.

Posted in | 0 comments

Marbles

Posted in | 0 comments

MCDO


OMG!

Mc Donald's is giving a reward to anyone who can tell the whereabouts of this person - one year supply of hamburger and fries! HAHAHAHAHA

Thanks Herbert for sharing this picture to us.

Posted in | 0 comments

Interesting Toilet signs































































Posted in | 0 comments

Click "Write a review" for comments and messages

They Didn't Study